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Conflict Resolution During Wedding Planning

PC Social and Personal Weddings

PC Social and Personal Weddings

Are you getting into unexpected fights with your Significant Other about napkin colors? Pouring your time, tears, and more emotional stamina than you have into guests lists? Have you stopped caring about who will give a toast at dinner?

...You're probably planning your wedding.

Weddings are notorious for bringing out unusual tension during the planning process in ways that you'd never expect, and may never experience again once the wedding is over. For sure, it's unfortunate timing, as you have a hundred other things to handle that are stressful enough by themselves. It can, However, be viewed as a good opportunity to work through never-before-seen areas of your relationship with your SO to improve your relationship post-wedding. Below are listed three ways to help you manage conflict during your wedding planning process, and afterwards too.

PC Levo.com

PC Levo.com

Handling Stress

Keep in mind that a lot of relationship tension is stress-induced. Having the correct outlook on stress can significantly impact how it effects you. According to studies presented in This TED Talk, whether stress impacts your health depends on whether you think of it as a good or a bad thing. Stress looked at as a bad addition to your life can begin to break down your mental, emotional, and physical well-being, however, addressing stress with the attitude that it adds an extra bump of energy to your life will only serve to drive you forward, with no side-effects. 

PC Evans Incorporated

PC Evans Incorporated

Take Time to Communicate

I'm going to be bold and assert that the biggest reason why most Relationship problems occur is not because people make huge mistakes worthy of our dramatic grief, but because we often fail to communicate to one-another. When problems arise between you and your SO (and they WILL arise at some point during the planning process), instead of immediately thinking the worst of them, take the time to repeat back to them what you think is going on or what they said. Chances are, you've misunderstood them. If you hurt each others feelings, use "I feel" statements instead of saying things like "You did..." When we properly communicate our thoughts and feelings, we are more likely to quickly and civilly resolve conflict.

PC Naples Elite Transportation

PC Naples Elite Transportation

This is YOUR Day

If your mom wants all of her friends to come to the wedding but won't financially contribute to it, your best friend is insisting on wedding colors you don't really like, and your cousins from out of state want you to have the wedding in their town so they don't have to travel...you just need to put your foot down and say "NOPE." This wedding is not about them. You choose the guests you want at YOUR wedding, and where it will be held, and what colors it is in. Pleasing everybody will not result in a happy wedding. The more you try to please everybody, the less "you" this wedding will become, and--believe it or not--the less happy people will become with you because there is simply not enough room or money to compromise for everyone. If you compromise for one person, but not another, you're asking for trouble to arise. Be solid from the start that the wedding choices are yours by setting boundaries. This doesn't give you permission to go Bridezilla, but rather, to respectfully listen to others' ideas and request that they respect your wishes if you say "no."

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How To Handle Your Mother-In-Law During Wedding Planning

I see you over there--hiding behind the couch with your glass of wine feverishly sipping, hoping that your mother-in-law won't leave the kitchen before you can down the glass...hoping that her opinion of how your wedding should be planned will quiet as you do so...

Just kidding. But seriously.

Handling your mother-in-law (MIL) during the planning process can be a tricky thing, and like most tricky things, you need some tools for the job. As simple as they seem, the five suggestions listed below can be very helpful tools for you to use as you navigate your relationship with your new MIL--as well as other relationships close to you. 

PC theodyssyonline.com

PC theodyssyonline.com

1) Stand firm.

Just like you know you're not going to take all of the advice and every suggestion you receive from friends and family during your engagement, be willing to stand up for your own opinion when your MIL tries to convince you that orange, blue, and white are much better wedding colors than your purple, green and grey. Keep in mind that by remaining enthusiastic about your own ideas, rather than hesitant to tell her and everyone else that you don't like their ideas, you're much less likely to deal with conflict.

PC bostonvoyager.com

PC bostonvoyager.com

2) Communicate.

Is your MIL hurting your feelings by pushing too hard? Do you think you've accidentally offended her by shooting down her ideas? These are things that should be communicated in a mature conversation that can start something like this, "MIL, do you think we could sit down and talk about some things involving our relationship? I want to include you in my wedding planning, but I think we might have hurt each others' feelings, and I want to clear things up." Try hard to understand why she wants to be so involved in your wedding planning. Ask yourself: is she really acting this way because she's a control freak who wants to redo her own wedding vicariously through you? Is she trying to ruin your wedding because she's furious you're stealing her child from her? Maybe not. Maybe her desire to be involved stems from an emotional need to feel needed, helpful, loved, important, or included. Maybe she sees wedding planning as a chance to bond with you. Having a conversation about how she feels and how you feel is a good opportunity to be transparent and compassionate with one another in an effort to strengthen your relationship. 

PC theknot.com

PC theknot.com

3) Keep her involved.

This doesn't mean she gets to choose your dress and the reception decor...just keep her busy. Give her things to put together--DIY favors, invitations, photo-booth props...anything you've already designed and simply need done can be handed to her to execute, giving her the feeling that she's involved and needed, without giving her too much control. 

PC keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

PC keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

4) Compromise.

When wedding planning, it's important to see the bigger picture: your relationship with your MIL is going to exist after the wedding. Preferably not in shambles. With this in mind, it's worth mentioning that some sacrifices may need to be made for the betterment of your family relationships. Sometimes, even after having conversations about how you feel, you and your MIL will not see eye-to-eye; to ensure that minimal resentment exists post-wedding, it might be necessary to let her make some decisions.

PC advancedcounseling.info

PC advancedcounseling.info

5) Seek counseling.

Of course, bringing a family counselor in is a risky business, depending on family dynamics and skeletons-in-the-closet. It's certainly something to ask permission of involved family members before taking action toward it, and finding a professional neutral third-party is key. It has the potential to go both ways, though. Sometimes family counseling in the midst of wedding-planning is a good idea, and can improve relationships and communication. Sometimes, however, it can be seen as an offensive rout, so be considerate and wary if you pursue this. 

Do you have a recommendation on how to handle MIL's? Leave it in the comments down below!